Memories and a Memorial

I have wanted to write about the events going forward from Robby’s death but I haven’t been able to put it in writing.  So I am going to try now.  I found a great escape in the planning of his memorial service, there were so many details to attend to and I wanted it to be as special as possible.  I obsessed over every detail from the music to the food to the arrangement of chairs to the photo centerpieces even to the paper products and supplies.  I felt like this was the last thing I could do for him.  The service itself was under the planning and direction of my amazing friend Rev Suzette.  Two days before the service it felt like everything fell apart.  I suddenly didn’t have an outfit to wear, I was trying to finalize the food order (which involved me giving my credit card number on the phone in a busy parking lot) and realizing that I didn’t have help for setting up on Friday.  Well I went shopping and came home with lots of pieces that could become an outfit, the catering order was finally complete and I set up everything myself, with the exception of one table that my friend Jo helped me move.  I think in the end it was ok setting up alone, it gave me some time to ‘deal’ with the coming service.

The day of the memorial service I was holding together the best I could, I had told Patrick that my goal was upright and dressed as my work was done.  The service was beautiful and an amazing tribute and celebration of Robby’s  life.  There were about 26 or 27 people here, it was great that so many people wanted to be present.  Patrick did bring some lightness with him, he brought bags of assorted color/assorted size pom poms.  We all became his canvas, whether he placed them inside hoop earrings, or on the front of shoes, or tucked into the collar of a shirt, or even filling the inside front of a top.  Everyone seemed to find delight in the colorful little distractions.

Lunch followed the service and by then I couldn’t pull off my ‘illusion of normal’ so I just tried to separate myself and hope I could just blend in with the background.    People tried to talk to me but I just felt shut down and I really didn’t hear what they were saying.

We planned for a select group to stay for an ‘after party’.  We had bought wine and beer, three of Robby’s nurses (Kevin, Sabrina and Angela), Patrick and David and a couple of my closest friends stayed.  It was a good plan as it allowed us to talk, cry, laugh and share.  At the end it was Sabrina, Kevin and I; that was great we continued to talk and just be together.13599795_10210129939393400_3343926580611659186_n