It has been such a long time since I posted, so I will start with a couple of updates.  I am in the new condo and the work is mostly done, only a few small few things left to finish. It is starting to feel like home, different but home!!  I bought a wood trunk and created a space for Robby, I placed a some of his things in it.  I like the fact that he has presence in the new place!  The rest of his things are in 8 storage containers in my garage.

Now, for the newest development I had starting have some symptoms that concerned my oncologist before the move. She ran multiple test but couldn’t find anything.  She did a lab test for my cancer marker and it was elevated, so she finally did a PET scan after the move and she found a recurrence of my cancer.  So we started chemo first to try and control spreading and after my third cycle she will repeat my scan and do surgery to try to remove the cancer. As for a prognosis, well we will know more after the next scan and surgery, but it is not great.  She explained that a recurrence this far out from my last chemo is considered incurable, but she wants to see if I can get at least part way back to where I have been with my cancer. She feels I may be starting a pattern where they find something and treat it, then I am ok for a short time and then they find something and they treat it………..

So I had my first chemo on July 24th and my second one was today.  This has brought back so many memories, both good and bad.  While I miss Robby, I am glad he doesn’t have to go through this again, I know he didn’t understand the first time and that wouldn’t be any better this time.  But I also miss the nurses, not just because of the help they gave me, but I miss their support, humor and caring.  I especially miss the nurse that was always there on my worst chemo days, actually I miss him all the time.  But life changes and people move on and I just have to try and deal with that!

The strangest thing about all this is my anxiety hasn’t been that bad, I think it is because my doctor was so honest in the beginning about my risk for a recurrence. Don’t get me wrong I am not ok with this, and I have trouble dealing with the emotional side, but knowing this would probably happen reduced the shock factor.