It’s 12:25AM and I am both exhausted and awake. Late nights I seem to fall apart, I think it because there is no audience. During the day is hard, but most of the time I can maintain, but admittedly not always. But then night comes and I feel it coming, a pain from deep inside that nearly takes my breath away. Then comes the emptiness, followed by the feeling of being lost and then the tears, oh the endless tears. The loss of my son has shattered by heart and left me broken and alone. I miss him every minute of the day, but in the quiet of night the feelings just overwhelm me. Sleep evades me, there are some nights I am lucky enough to cry myself to sleep, but not for long. I have had to sleep with lots of lights on, the times I do sleep I wake up and immediately think I need to check on Robby. After 31 years of that being the norm, it is a hard habit to break. But with the lights on I can remember that it is not the norm anymore and then I am back at pain and tears………
(I am writing this tonight through tears and nearly consumed by the pain and loss)