Well it has been another long gap between posts, life has been…..well…..insane! Usually my life is crazy, but it has reached a whole new level. Where to start….the house is still on the market. I knew it would be a difficult process to sell the house and move, but I never dreamed it would take this long to sell. The stress of this and my financial situation are really taking a toll on my health, but I just keep hoping it will be over soon.
Speaking of my health, I have been having some test done with my oncologist. I have been having some symptoms and she is trying to determine if it may be a recurrence of my cancer. I tried but can’t stress about it…..it is the one thing too many! I can’t change what happens, so I will just wait and see.
Then there is Robby….oh how I miss him! It feels like I miss him even more now. There is a huge painful void in my life and my heart, nothing can fill it and nothing can fix it. I am scared how I will deal with the anniversary of his death in June. So far I haven’t done well with any holidays, or even days like today. It was one year ago today that he was admitted to the hospital for that horrific 31 day stay that started him down the path that ended in his death. There are days when I think the pain of his loss with just consume me. I find myself want to talk with the people there that night he passed, or at least the ones still speaking to me, I feel like they understand. Most nights I still have trouble sleeping and am back sleeping most nights with the lights on, a subtle reminder of the ‘new’ reality.