Living with cancer changes your perspective, things that seemed important before cancer may no longer be important. Many things that most people take for granted have a new importance. Time is one of those things….most people seem to go along taking time for granted-like there is a never end supply of time. But when you have cancer, especially stage 4 cancer, you realize quickly what a precious commodity time can be. I am trying hard to have more time with my son Robby. To that end I have done chemo-18 cycles of chemo so far-with no regrets.
Well, I have had a short break in my chemo, something that my body is grateful for. But now it is time for another cancer marker blood test and exam with my oncologists-the outcome could send me back to chemo. I am willing to return to chemo in exchange for more time with my son. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t want to give the impression that chemo is fun, it is not. But to have the gift of more time with my son I will do as much chemo as I can. I know there will come a time that I cannot do anymore chemo, or as I call it, the quantity vs. quality decision-but I am not there yet.
The results of my current cancer marker test and exam have extended my short break from chemo, unless something changes. I am pleased to have at least a little more time for my body to recover from chemo. But that being said I also feel like I am back waiting for the other shoe to drop. The feeling of impending doom does not help my anxiety. The two things I need to remember right now are: my oncologist made it clear in the beginning that recurrence for me is not if, but when and for today-no chemo. In a short time we will go through this again, except this time we will add scans-but that’s for another day…..