Month: January 2014

Book Update

untitleduntitleduntitledWell, after the holidays and way too many distractions, I am back to work on my book.  I have most chapters written and now am editing, adding details and obsessing!!  I have four chapters ‘done’, meaning they have been read, re-read, shared with my circle and edited.  I just finished re-writing chapter five, which is now being circulated around my circle.  While they read it and give their opinions I will move on to chapter six, it is also written, but needs some changes. 

It’s hard to believe that out of my journals could grow a real book.  I know it took a lot of persuasion to get me to write this book, but I am so excited about it and after chapter six is ‘done’ I intend to start shopping it around, that should be another interesting adventure!!!

untitleduntitled

Through the Looking Glass-Accessing Medical Care

After 28 years of accessing the healthcare system for my disabled son I was sure that I had seen it all.  But almost two years ago when I was told I had cancer I was amazed at what came next.  I do not have medical insurance, I had always just paid my own medical costs.  Two hospitals turned me away because I could not pay in full upfront for my surgery.  I called a third hospital dreading their response, but they told me that they would work with me-I was beyond shocked.  I then got a referral from my obgyn to a oncologist that worked at that hospital, she is amazing.  Her office referred me to clinic that could help me with my healthcare and the cost of my surgery.  The clinic did help me, they made arrangements to cover the cost of my surgery and the treatment that followed.  I have been a patient of the clinic ever since, where I pay on a sliding scale for my primary care.

Everything was fine until the beginning of this year with the new healthcare system.  I am getting a lot of pressure from clinic the take a healthcare plan that I can’t afford, I live on a very limited income.  All this was stressful enough, but now stress has met it’s friend anxiety after finding out that if I do not take a healthplan I may not be able to stay at clinic.  I have no idea what I will do if that happens. 

As of now I have done 18 cycles of palliative chemo, but I am sure this type of chemo will not be covered by any of these healthcare plans, as my chemo is buying me time-cure is not an option.  These healthcare plans are outcome based, which is problematic as my prognosis is poor.  I feel like if I am forced to take a healthcare plan it is like forcing me to decide I am willing to give up future chemo and therefore shortening the time I could have with my son-I am not ready to make that choice.  After 2 weeks of all this stress and 2 more weeks until I meet with someone at clinic to look at the healthplans my anxiety has reached a point where I feel like I can’t take a deep breath-I hate this feeling.

I thought trying to access what my son has needed all these years was like a trip to Alice’s Wonderland, but now with my situation I feel like I am peering through the looking glass and what I see is frightening.

New Year-New Possibilities

It’s always interesting to me how perceptions change as we get older.  When I was young New Years Eve was really just an excuse to party with friends, then it seem to become a time to celebrate and reflect on the year that was ending and look forward to the year that was starting.  But now I find it is a combination of all of that, but mostly for me it’s like a fresh start.  For me every Monday is start-over day, a chance to do better, be more organized and…..  New Years is like the ultimate start-over day.  It gives the opportunity to leave at least some of the past behind and to look forward to new possibilities that life can offer.  In case you haven’t picked-up on it yet, I will admit I am an optimist-although life has forced me over the years to be a bit of a realist as well.

This New Year’s Day I celebrated once again with my son, Robby.  We wore silly metallic party hats, we had noise makers and I was happy to celebrate the beginning of another year with my son.  In past years New Years was just another anxiety filled holiday, the unknown can be so scary.  But now I have so many ‘unknowns’ in my life, I try not to focus on that and then it seems at least a little less scary and less filled with anxiety.  I have no idea what this year will bring or where it may take us, but I am going to try the less anxiety approach and just try focus on the possibilities and remain hopeful………

I wish you all a Happy New Year and let’s see what the coming year brings!!!!!