Yesterday, May 16, 2014, was a personal milestone for me. You see on May 16, 2012 I had my cancer surgery and found out I have stage 4 cancer. So, on the one year mark I told everyone that perhaps I should celebrate that date even more than my birthday. That must sound funny, but I have a very poor prognosis with my cancer, so to me every year that I am here on May 16th feels like a gift. Everyone seemed to think that was a great idea. Well, yesterday I celebrated another year. It’s a day for mixed feelings-happy for another year, but the other side is the reality of my situation. But I celebrated my milestone alone, no one remembered. I know people are busy with their own lives, but this is a huge part of my life. I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise as just about everyone forgot my birthday last year. You might think I sound like a whining spoiled child, but I live with the knowledge that time is no longer my friend and that every day truly is a gift. With that I am making the effort to celebrate everything with my son, so it would be wonderful for my friends to share in our celebrations. But no matter what anyone else does or doesn’t do I will continue to celebrate any and all milestones and appreciate the gift of each day.
Month: May 2014
Dreams of a Simple Life
I remember, as do most people, how simple life seems when you are a child. Days were filled fun, fun and more fun-all carefree and simple. As you become an adult life is less than simple, there is all the adult responsibilities-bills, work, rent, insurance and so much more. I don’t mean to make sound like there isn’t ‘fun’ as an adult, but that simple life is missing.
When I was stuck at home with my agoraphobia I created a ‘life’ within my house. I found ways to take care of what we needed and made sure we celebrated everything-birthdays, holidays, special days and even the seasons. It was at times difficult, but even so I became comfortable within that ‘life’ I created.
Now I find that my life is increasingly complicated, stressful, demanding and exhausting. If I am not off to a doctor’s appointment or physical therapy, I am paying bills, running errands, making more appointments, trying to keep the house going and …….. There are days I am not sure I can do any of it and some days I get some or even most of it done. I often feel a desire to hide, but at my house that is impossible. What I do find all to often is a wish to return to the simple life I had when my agoraphobia was worse, it wasn’t quite as simple as a child’s life, but it was much more simple than my life today. Who knew I’d ever want to go back?