Way back when my anxiety started so did my fear and as my anxiety got worse so did the fear.   These fears were mostly irrational and some even bordered on the edge of paranoia.  It was a combination of the fear and the anxiety that  lead to my agoraphobia.  And it was my first big leap of faith to seek out therapy and a lot of trust to let someone in.  In therapy I even had to learn to have trust in myself.  Actually this made me feel like I was flying without a net.

Over the years I worked hard to decrease my fears and increase my trust-this was not an easy task.  But then something happened that has made it hard for me to trust.  I had a doctor that misdiagnosed me for two years, this was obviously someone I had come to trust.  After I made many trips to the ER on my own, I finally was diagnosed with cancer-stage 4 cancer.  This has left me in a very difficult place, having lost trust in doctors at the very time I need doctors the most.  It is not easy to face my fear and make a leap of faith to trust a new doctor.  Unfortunately having many health issues leaves me in need of many different types of doctors.  I have had great success with some and still find myself struggling with others.  I believe that this is a long term project, but hopefully it will get better…..sometime. 

I wish I had the answers on how to take a successful leap of faith, but I don’t.  The one thing I think could help is to set a smaller goal, perhaps a step of faith-not so large, but still moving forward.