Lately I feel my life closely resembles the famous quote from Allen Saunders “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”. I keep trying to find some order and a tiny bit of peace in my life-I am not looking for perfection or even control; I gave that search up a long time ago. But every time I get close to a small piece of ‘normal’ it seems like something else comes along. Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand that life just keeps happening no matter what. There are times like this past 10 days where life is just too much, too big and too overwhelming.
Over the past 10 days my son, Robby, starting having some medical problems. He was in pain; he was agitated, restless, sleepless, had high pulse and blood pressure. I took him to an ER after talking to his doctor. They did a chest xray, some basic blood test and told everything looked good and I should bring him back when he could localize his pain. Now this was an interesting idea, you see Robby doesn’t talk. There were 4 more ER visits before a diagnosis was found. They found a compression fracture in his spine-ouch!! He is also having additional trouble with some pre-exisiting medical problems. Even on pain medication he is still in pain and miserable.
As his Mom I feel helpless, there is nothing I can do to fix this for him. The only thing I can do is arrange doctor appointments, try to make him as comfortable as possible and worry. This has flared my anxiety and I keep trying to force it back down, there is no time for it right now. That I find is more successful sometimes than others. Right now my focus has to be on Robby and helping him, there will be time (hopefully) to deal with the anxiety and tears later!!!