I have had my own issues with death; that’s what landed me in therapy.  Well at least that was one reason.  But I have recently been through an experience that has allowed me to see another perspective of death and anxiety.  I have a very close friend, actually she is like family, and her mother suffered from dementia with lewy bodies.  Now for everyone not familiar with that it is like dementia and Parkensons put together-not good.  I got to know ‘Grammy’ first when she lived with my friend and then by visiting her at the assisted living facility.  Grammy was quite the character, she was feisty, independent and no matter how frustrating she could make you smile.  She was known for what I called circular conversations-she would have a limited number of questions that she would ask over and over and over again .  But everything changed almost overnight, she suddenly couldn’t walk and she wouldn’t even eat her cookies (the only thing she would eat).  We spent three days with Grammy as she took her final journey.  I have always understood the anxiety felt by the survivors, but this time I had the opportunity to watch the other side.  We watched Grammy’s anxiety, her struggle, her pain, and yet with all that we also watched her acknowledge her son on the phone and manage to find words to tell him she was his mother and she loved him.  That image I will carry with me as it was amazing and beautiful to witness.  On day three the anxiety was gone for Grammy and after showing her strength to the end, she passed.  On that day there was peace for her, both before her passing and in the quiet moment of her passing.  But for those left behind there was still plenty of anxiety and pain.  I have always said death is usually a blessing for the one going, but it sucks for the rest of us.

As I sat there on that last day with my two ‘sisters’ we shared stories about Grammy and ourselves and I believe that Grammy knew we were there with her and hopefully that gave her peace. In the short time since Grammy passed I have been facing my own anxiety with death.  As I have written before my son Robby has many chronic health problems and they are getting worse very rapidly.  This is not unexpected, but still very painful.  He is lucky (I know that sounds strange) he doesn’t know what anxiety is-it’s beyond his comprehension. I on the other hand have enough anxiety for both of us.  Something I have to try not to show around him, he does pick up on my emotions.  I am heartbroken about the journey he is starting and not knowing what his journey will be like.  But the one thing that eases some of my pain is that I know in my heart that his father is waiting for him and once again they can be together. On that last day with Grammy we all thought of the things she would do when she would be reunited with her loved ones that have passed before her.

Robby and Grammy have somethings in common, they have people who will always love and miss them and both of them at the end of their journey will be free from all the suffering and limitations they had in this life.