I, like most people, have experienced some degree of anxiety in their daily life….that’s not what I am referring to here. Instead I am referring to the anxiety of the ‘survivors’-those left to try to move forward. There is so much involved in moving forward–it can include making final arrangements, the difficult task of notifying people, trying to find a way to deal with the pain, dealing with property and belongs or even just hoping to get through another day. As for me, I have long believed that death is usually best for the one who dies-no more pain, anxiety, illness and limitations. But as for those of us left behind—well it sucks.
There is the obvious question of how to move forward—not an easy or simple task. Even after the funeral or memorial and/or burial there is the anxiety of what’s next and how to cope. Then if all that isn’t enough, there’s the anxiety of guilt—did you do enough, did you make the right decision or were you there enough……
Then in case you are not overwhelmed with enough anxiety, there is the nagging and anxiety filled question-when will things seem OK again? Or will things ever be OK again? When my husband was killed my Grandmother gave me the best answer to that–she told me that people will tell you that time heals all wounds, but she said it does not. Time, she told me, just lets you find a way to live with it. I have found that to be true, I don’t think you ever really ‘recover’ from the lost of someone you love–I’m not sure you should. That probably sounds strange, but all the people in our life, both living and those who are gone, are all part of who we are and if you just cut those parts away what is left? Now that is a question filled with anxiety!!!