Month: September 2016

Do You Want Fries With That???

Out of all the changes in my life the one that brings the most stress with it is the financial part.  My job and income stopped the day my son died.  So I have been spending the majority of my time applying for jobs and working on my house.  You see I have a limited amount of time (and money) so doing both is important.  I have about another 6-8 weeks to find a job, if I don’t at that point the house has to go on the market.

On the job front, I have many skills that should help me find a job.  But the other side is those jobs I had were nearly 31 years ago.  I have current employment history, but not many places are looking to hire a mom that gave her life away to take care of a son she loves more than anything.  So I use old and new skills and jobs, maybe someone will take a chance with me.  I keep finding new website to look for jobs on, my friend Doug told me about 3 websites that I am now using.  As of today, 6 jobs I applied for have been filled with someone else and I have approximately 25 open applications out there.  A close friend told me you have to be willing to take a job where you would need to ask ‘would you like fries with that?’  I think what she means is you have to be willing to take a job that may be less than what you want.

Now on the house part, I have been patching walls, moving furniture out, stripping wallpaper, painting walls, painting cabinets, cleaning out closets, cleaning out cabinets, cleaning out the garage and building furniture-all on a very tight budget.  It has been and is a lot of work for one person.  I can’t hire anything done that I can find a way to do myself.  I don’t want to move, at least not now….but that may not be my choice in the end.  I still can’t even think about going through my son’s things, it is just too painful, so I will have to take it all with me if I have to move.  But there is still a lot of work to be done and my deadline is staring me in the face.

I am optimistic by nature, but some days it all feels overwhelming.  So I think the plan is that I keep applying for jobs and fixing the house.  And remember to remain optimistic that it can work out and hopefully it will!!!untitledcan

Friends…..or maybe not

This is life lesson number….I have lost track.  Since my son passed a large number of my friends have gone missing.  I have tried to understand why? or what happened?  I have no idea, but my ‘sister’ told me that maybe they don’t know what to say.  My response was they don’t have to say anything….but then I guess that is what they are doing.

The other unexplained thing has been a friendship I thought I had with one of my son’s nurses, but again I was apparently wrong.  This nurse was with us for over four years, in good times and bad.  We shared all the holidays, birthdays, ER visits, lunches, outings, shopping, doctor’s appointments, medical test, procedures, my surgery and chemo-all 18 cycles.  Then there are all the things that went beyond the job, like our day trip to San Diego and all the times this nurse stayed with Robby after the end of the shift so I could go to practice parties at dance or to hear my friend’s band play.  And this nurse was there all night at the hospital when Robby passed and was around after-we went to dinner, talked and even took me take care of some things that needed to be done.

But now….silence.  I have tried to text, but nothing.  So finally I decided to push the issue by texting the following:  I haven’t texted you because I feel like you  don’t want to hear from me-am I right?   No response.  So a friend of mine talked to this nurse and explained that it would be best to just say what they want, but no the response back was that no answer is an answer…..seriously?  So I texted again and said I understand no answer is an answer-whatever.  It never felt like it was just about the job until now.  So don’t worry I wont bother you again.  And of course no answer.

This has been painful, I thought this person was a friend, certainly felt like a family member and I trusted this nurse with the most important thing in the world to me, my son, not something I do easily.  So this really hurts, especially on top of everything else that has happened.  But I still just want to understand what happened, not that it will change anything.