I recently had a revelation (those just happen)! All the years I was stuck in the house I felt like I was missing out on life. It was as if someone pushed a pause button on my life. My friends would talk about things they were doing and I wanted to do those things too. But between my agoraphobia and taking care of Robby I never dreamed that I would have the opportunity to do things or go places with my friends. But with therapy, my agoraphobia became more manageable and I started facing my fears. The reward was being able to do more with Robby, not just the things that needed to be done, but also fun things like outings and even a day trip to San Diego. This encouraged me to keep going, to keep pushing. I even took dance classes for a while.
Now since Robby is gone I have a lot of time. But I am realizing that while my life may have been on pause, life for everyone else keep going. I have tried playing catch up, but that hasn’t worked. I am finding that my friends have moved past so many things I had hoped to do. So many things you would normally do with a friend, like shopping, I do by myself. And I have come to realize that I am alone in what I want to do, like I didn’t already feel alone.
The revelation I had is that life has moved on and I was left behind.