It’s been about three months since I posted, and so much has happened. I have been struggling with my panic/anxiety. I’ll start with some quick updates from my last post, first the hoarding is better, but not completely gone. Toilet paper and paper towels are still at times very hard to find. Grocery store shelves are still not full, antibacterial wipes and cleaner can be nearly impossible to find be found. I did finally get some hand sanitizer, I felt like I won the lottery! Grocery shopping has become a cross between hide and seek and survivor.

One of the biggest changes is that the economy is opening up, which for people like me that are immunocompromised is scary and doesn’t include us. Under the CDC, state and local guidelines we are still to stay at home. My infectious disease doctor told that these precautions for me will last until at least March of 2021, and she believes it will be extended past that. This has been hard, I feel cut off from people and life. I have used social connections to help me with my agoraphobia, but now that is not an option. It’s funny, when my agoraphobia kept me at home I felt like my life was on pause. But as I could rejoin life I had to deal with the reality that life continued on without me, I felt like I had been left behind. I have continued to deal with that feeling. And now, with the reopening I find myself feeling that all over again. People are going out shopping, getting their haircut, complaining that they can’t get their nails done yet and more. And once again life is moving forward without me.

I have found that the majority of people think that only old people, especially in nursing homes, are the only people at risk, that is not true. There are a lot of people like me, not old, living in our homes but with various conditions that put us at risk. For me it’s two conditions that put me in that category, as I have written about before I am a stage 4 cancer patient and I have Primary Immune Deficiency. I have dealt with my immune problems my whole life, I have learned how to be ‘safe’ and still be able to live a mostly normal life, until now. I think one of the biggest threats to me with the coronavirus is I don’t make antibodies, I never get over anything on my own. My doctors have told me that if I get Covid-19 I probably wouldn’t survive it, that’s a big dose of reality.