I am still struggling with the new normal, which has no relationship with normal at all. I have tried to come to peace with being home, trying hard not to feel trapped, but I haven’t succeeded yet. Being alone isn’t always easy, fortunately having been an only child I do know how to be my own friend. My biggest problems are feeling cut off from life, the loss of social contact and the loss of human connection. I am hugger, I love to give hugs and I love to get hugs. It has been about eight months since I have shared a hug with anyone. I haven’t even been less that 6 feet away from any of my friends. It’s not normal, it’s not even natural to be so detached from other people.

As I have mentioned before, when my agoraphobia was at it’s worse I felt like life keep moving without me. And now I feel that again, although it seems harder this time, last time I still had Robby with me, but now it’s just me. And under normal circumstances I can deal with the fact I’m alone, mostly because I still had my social connections. But now there’s none of that, and I just feel more and more alone. It’s never been easy being immunocompromised, but I was able to find a way to live with it, but now it’s the barricade between me and life.

I have tried reaching out to stay in contact with people, but their lives are still moving forward, so that hasn’t always been very successful. I worry that the longer this lasts the less likely I am to reconnect or even catch up with others.