Category: Hate

There’s Just Too Much Hate

I feel like everywhere I go there is hate. It comes in many forms, people who are just angry, people that are ready to be angry or offended, and people that can’t agree on anything, people who are intolerant, or people that think there is no hope to name a few. It manifests in so many ways; a person getting angry with a cashier, angry drivers, people that cut you off even at the market, hostility when you ask a question…… I don’t understand where all this hate is coming from, why is everyone so angry?

I have always been optimistic, so maybe that makes it hard for me to understand. I really want to try to figure it out. I find that all the tension it creates affects my anxiety. At first, I was surprised it had that effect on me. But when I thought more about it, I could see that it is the tension, not necessarily the actual hate that triggers my anxiety. I am finding the more anger and hate I encounter the more I don’t want to go out, that is challenging with my agoraphobia. I have worked hard and finally been able to ‘manage’ my agoraphobia. I am still scared that I could so easily backslide; I don’t want to go back. I know that I do not have the ability to fix society, but I’m hoping if I can find a way to understand the anger and hate better, I can manage it in my little world.

The New Four Letter Word….Hate

Hate is nothing new, but it does seem to have reach a new level. It feels like hate has become a weapon, much like a blunt force instrument. People have always seemed to hate what is different or change or some hate just to hate. But now I see that level of hate is now baseline and hate today is so much more.

One current example of hate is found in politics. Now there’s never been a shortage of hate and anger in politics, but I see some that are so focused on hate and anger that they can’t see any other perspective. As I have written before, politics used to center around vigorous debate and exchange of ideas. And at the end of the day there would usually be some form of compromise. The greater good was not lost, now it’s hard to even find where the greater good is. And some don’t seem to care about it, they just want to spew their anger and hate. There’s certainly no shortage of hate in the new voter suppression laws.

Then there is society as a whole, there’s plenty of hate there. I am currently the target of hate in the community I live in. After my son died I bought a small condo and tried to start a life. I decided to run for the HOA board, I wanted to help keep the community nice and protect the investment I made. I knew the board was no popularity contest, but I had no idea it would get this bad. It has reached a point where lies have been spread about me, people who have been nice to me are silent or glare at me and yesterday I was harassed by someone I don’t even know. And a recall petition was filed earlier this week. Along with a letter full of defamatory lies. My understanding is that I will have an opportunity to speak for myself. I know nothing will change, but for me it’s important to take that opportunity, not that I have a great history of standing up for myself. But this time I feel very strongly about it and I think it’s partly about all the hate. I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn’t have been on the board, I am too kind and that is a trait that will get you run over by those with an agenda to win at all costs.

My next dilemma is deciding if I can continue to live here. I don’t want to move, but I also don’t want to live in a toxic community. I have stayed in most of today, I just want to avoid the situation. I can’t do that for too long or I will end up back where I started with my agoraphobia. I think I need to allow myself some time to regain perspective and get my feet planted firmly, there’s more fighting to get through.

I know I am too optimistic, but I keep hoping to see the better nature in people……